How Allah described marriage?
Allah says in His Holy Quran, Surah Al-Rum, Aya 21, ”And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجٗا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةٗ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتٖ لِّقَوۡمٖ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ), based on this Ayas, Allah Almighty described the core of marriage in two words; affection and mercy. The Islamic house must be built on mutual understanding and harmony, which inevitably will lead to mercy and happy marriage. A happy family will bring to Muslim society strong, educated, and pious members, that is why women should be careful when they choose a husband and a father. So what are the criteria and the forbidden things?
First of all, there are no strict rule for how to choose a husband, as people are different, thus their needs and opportunities will be different too. However, there is one common value that must be highly considered in marriage, which is religion and morals. The Messenger of Allah said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him.” Women should question the suitor about their religion, specifically and practically, does he establish the five prayers? Does he read the Quran continuously? How does he treat his family; his parents, sisters and brothers? Is he a man of good morals or not? All of these questions and their answers outline the woman’s choices. Other criteria may differ from one to another. For example, the physical appearance, the emotional compatibility, and the financial situation.
Allah doesn’t force women to choose specific types of men, but He gave His slaves the guidelines of the best of men. The Prophet Muhammed said ”The best of you is he who is best to his family.” The best of you is the one who is affectionate, reliable, trustworthy and generous, etc. The woman needs to choose a responsible and a caring man. On the other side, women must not believe that religiousness is the only and solely criteria in the process of marriage, in other words, she is not choosing a spokesman of Islam. She must consider looking for a real person, not someone she will watch for a couple of hours. Based on that, the choice will become deeper than being attached to the appearances. The most common mistake that some women commit is that they prefer the financial situation to the level of morals. They believe that wealth will safeguard their present and future without paying attention to the human needs of good treatment and mutual respect.
Finally, we believe that every choice we make is a destiny that was written before the existence of this universe, Allah Almighty chooses the best for us. We need to remind ourselves that every good step we do is because of Allah and not out of our sharpness. Before each choice is made, we seek advice and consultation from knowledgeable people. We do Istikharah and pray that Allah guides us to the best of our religion and this life.
